Pros and cons
by Acajou Amarth
Summary: Addison is making a list of all the pros and cons of the many guys in her life. Who's gonna win? And what does Joe have to do with it? Addex hilarity. Two or threeshot.
1. Addie's list

**Disclaimer: If I owned Greys, there'd be more ridiculous moments like that one in the show. It'd probably ruin everything, but it'd be fun.**

**Pairing: Addex. Mentioning Addek, Maddison and - oddly enough - Preston/Addison.**

**Summary: Addison is making a list of all the pros and cons of the many guys in her life. Who's gonna win? And what does Joe have to do with it? **

**Set: After 'Desire'. Let's just pretend Addie didn't go to LA, but to Joe's instead. **

**A/N: Okay, this is honestly the most horrible thing I have ever done, and I love it. I don't really think I should start this, but it's not a big things and plain hilarious, so it won't be that hard to update. Will have one or two more chapters.**

**I really hope you'll enjoy this as much as I do! Please review and check out my McBlog for further ramblings!**

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Pros and cons **

Dr Addison Forbes Montgomery Ex-Shepherd is making a list. Which might seem like a quite ordinary thing to do, for there are many different sorts of lists that can be made. For example, a shopping list or a list of the patients you need to see. But those are very ordinary lists. And if you ever even look in Addison's general direction, you'll know there's no way in hell that woman is anything along the lines of ordinary. And the list she's currently making? It's a list that-... well, lists (pun intended) the pros and cons of all the men in her life. Let's take a closer look, shall we?

_**My (I'm refusing to use Mc)Guys**_

_**Derek:** _

_pro _

_-we used to be happy_

_-great hair_

_-parents love me_

_con _

_-boring sex_

_-underneath the dreaminess, he's a jackass_

_-is dating the perfect 12-year-old_

_-divorced me_

_-I cheated on him with his best friend (-- Mark)_

_-hates me_

_-we have a past, but neither present nor future_

_-years of absence and ignoring me_

_-wouldn't take me back_

_-don't want him back _

_**Mark:**_

_pro _

_-we still have awesome sex_

_-yummy to no end_

_-doesn't have parents who could hate me_

_-was there for me when Derek wasn't_

_-thinks he loves me_

_-lives at my hotel_

_-came to Seattle for me_

con 

_-cheats_

_-is a manwhore_

_-I aborted his baby_

_-I cheated on my (ex-)husband (-- Derek) with him_

_-definitely not the kids and barbecue type_

_-we tried and failed_

_-don't want him for more than the occasional booty call_

_**Preston:**_

_pro _

_-doesn't hate me_

_-I'm allowed to call him 'Preston'_

_con _

_-has an angry, scary girlfriend who could and would kill me_

_**Alex:**_

_pro _

_-disturbingly hot_

_-wears black wife-beaters _

_-says perfect things_

_-guy to work and play with_

_-would be an awesome neonatal surgeon_

_-he's a real challenge_

_-adorable with kids_

_-absolutely infuriating_

_-gave Mark a vanilla latte, 'cause he'd been rude to me_

_-would notice if I went missing_

_-had hot on-call room sex with me_

_-almost kissed me in the NICU_

_-I kissed him at this very bar and it was the best first kiss ever_

_-working with him makes my day, every day_

_-according to Callie he's the kids and barbecue guy _

_-a total and utter mystery_

_-surprises me every day_

_-is underneath the surface the sweetest, most caring, most wonderful, best damn guy I ever met, whether I like it or not_

_-I want him and noone else_

_con_

_-is my intern_

_-might be in love with a patient_

_-is 12 years old_

_-is a manwhore_

_-sends out mixed signals all the time_

_-yelled at me_

_-absolutely infuriating_

_-scared and angry_

_-dumped me after hot on-call room sex_

_-background unknown_

_-I need more martinis now than before I met him_

Yeah, that is Addison's list. She's writing it at The Emerald City Bar, by the way, absolutely drunk. The owner of said bar, a certain gentleman named Joe, is right now in the process of asking:

"What are you doing?"

This is when Addison downs the rest of her fifth martini, then goes back to writing and answers:

"I am making a list of all the guys in my life, because they're stupid and I'm confused."

Is that a grin on the bartender's face? We don't know. What we do know is that he quickly snaps the napkin the redhead has been writing on out of her hands. Which is something Joe usually doesn't do. Usually, he smiles his knowing smile and leaves his customers be. Let them tell him if they want to. This time, it's different.

He reads the napkin while Addison stares at him, confused by the sudden movement (she's drunk, after all). More than once, a grin appears on his face. Then he hands it back to Addison.

"Wait, I'll get you something."

"A martini?", Addison asks, quirking her brow the way she always quirks her brow.

"That, too."

Joe disappears behind the counter after having given the redhead another drink. When he shows up again, he has an couple of other napkins in his hand. Apparently, Addison is not the first to write her troubles down on the next best piece of paper while they're drunk.


	2. Alex' list

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, after all these years, I still don't own Greys. I still watch it, though. Religiously.**

**Pairing: Addex. Mentioning Alex/Izzie, Alex/Olivia, Alex/Christina, Alex/Meredith, Alex/Ava, Alex/Callie and oddly enough: Alex/Bailey**

**A/N: I know, I know. How dare I show my face after this extremely long absense. But I went over my old stories and have decided to finish as many of them as I am able to. I don't know yet whether those will extend this one, but at least I'm trying. **

**I'm very sorry to have disappointed my readers by abandoning every single story that was more than a oneshot. There is no excuse for that, only never ending writer's block.**

**Still, I hope you will read this and enjoy this and possibly review. **

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**Pros and cons II**

And this is the list Addison Montgomery is able to decipher in her drunken state. After the first few names, she'll be able to guess whose list this is. She's a little mad at the words for swimming before her drunken eyes, not to mention the barely legible handwriting. By the time she is done, she will have downed her sixth martini just to get over the initial shock.

**Possible chicks**

**Olivia****:**

_p__ro_

_-gave me sex_

_c__on_

_-gave me syphilis_

**Izzie****:**

_p__ro_

_-hot chick_

_-blonde_

_-bendy_

_-we have a past_

_-knows about my past_

_-used to give me hot broom closet sex_

_c__on_

_-still not over Denny_

_-feelings for O'Malley? – bad taste!_

_-we're friends now_

_-turned me down_

**Ava****:**

_p__ro_

_-kinda nice_

_-saved her life_

_-get along_

_-thinks I'm a good guy_

_c__on_

_-kinda my patient_

_-we're friends (I think)_

_-thinks I'm a good guy_

**Callie O'Malley****:**

_p__ro_

_-hardcore_

_c__on_

_-breaks bones for a living_

_-married to O'Malley – bad taste_

**Bailey****:**

_Sick… Forget I ever wrote her down…_

**Meredith****:**

_p__ro_

_-like her_

_-we're sorta friends_

_-used to think she was very hot_

_-as fucked up as I am_

_c__on_

_-we're sorta friends_

_-not really the first chick that comes to my mind these days_

_-endlessly on and off with Shepherd – bad taste_

**Yang****:**

_pro_

_-hardcore_

_c__on_

_-would probably castrate me_

**Addison****:**

_p__ro_

_-red, red hair_

_-HOT_

_-can't seem to bear seeing her in pain_

_-thinks noone would notice if she went missing – fucked up, too_

_-I would notice if she went missing_

_-made me like the gynie squad_

_-made me like her_

_-made me leave plastics and not regret it_

_-understands me in a weird way without knowing anything about me_

_-wants me_

_-thinks I'm the kids and barbecues guy_

_-we almost kissed in the NICU_

_-kissed me at Joe's – best damn first kiss ever (better than Izzie)_

_-damn hot on-call room sex_

_-love it when she calls me Alex_

_-love it when she calls me Karev_

_-love it when she bosses me around_

_-love it when she's pissed at me_

_-can't seem to get her out of my head_

_c__on_

_-thinks I'm the kids and barbecues guy_

_-doesn't know anything about me_

_-don't want to be another intern screwing an attending_

_-could care too much about her_

_-not nearly as fucked up as I am_

_-turned her down – hates me now_

_-I'm not good for her_

Needless to say, Addison is quite surprised, not to mention melting a little inside (and still terribly drunk). Who'd have thought? In her gratitude, she turns to Joe.

"You know what I think, Joe? I think I love you."

Joe the Bartender, who has spent the time cleaning glasses and serving other customers and smiling wisely the way only Joe the Bartender can smile wisely, now seems a little disturbed.

"Dude, I have a boyfriend. Besides, what's wrong with my mate Alex?"

This is the moment when said mate Alex enters the Emerald City Bar and heads straight for the counter.


	3. The drunk, ridiculous ending

**Disclaimer: I didn't write that season finale. I'm not that awesome. Sadly, I don't own Grey's.**

**Rating: T**

**Pairings: Addex**

**A/N: If you hate this half as much as I do, you will really, really hate this ending. Which is why I've decided to give you more than one option for the ending. And this one is already written, so here it is. **

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**Pros and cons – Chapter III**

**Option I – The drunk, ridiculous ending (Addison's POV)**

"Beer, Joe…", says the man candy, not knowing there is one set of bluish eyes staring directly at him. His face, mostly. Maybe a little bit at his ass. Just a little bit.

Anyway… Addison Forbes Montgomery really likes his face. (And his ass.) And the things he has written about her, because they make her all mushy inside and wonder how she could ever have been mad at him.

Then he notices her staring, cocks an eyebrow and snaps:

"What?"

And she does remember.

Perhaps it's the many, many, many martinis coming back to haunt her or the fact that Joe is very calmly taking both sets of napkins away out of her grasp and actually giving them to Alex, along with his beer, but she can only watch it happen.

(Don't get her wrong, she does get quite upset about it. After all, her feelings for Preston were supposed to remain a secret. And what right does Joe the bartender have to play matchmaker, anyway?)

"Dude, I thought you'd gotten rid of those!"

An outraged Alex Karev awakes her from her stupor.

Apparently she isn't the only one who would have preferred keeping her napkin-feelings a secret. Or at least between her and Joe and the martinis. So not the point.

But then again, she would never have realized just that Alex Karev, her hot, infuriating and decidedly 12-year-old intern might actually not have turned her down because he doesn't want her, but because he wants to protect her. Him. Both of them. Which is sort of really sweet and makes her think she might not have been wrong about him being perfect for her. Even though he is 12 years old.

Maybe she should just kiss him.

While pondering those deep thoughts, she completely misses that Alex is discovering her napkins. Then she does notice and considers rushing over and taking them from him. Although that might be difficult with her current alcohol level and would probably just lead to her falling on her face. Falling on one's face generally doesn't serve to make one attractive to the opposite sex. Especially not to doctors of the opposite sex. They would probably just give one stitches and put a band-aid on one.

She really doesn't want that, so she refrains from showing she knows he's reading her pros and cons list that contains tons and tons of pros on his side.

Addison opts for being mysterious and city-like, so she orders another martini.

"Absolutely not.", says Joe.

"What!", screeches Addison.

"The only thing you're getting from me is a cab home.", says Joe.

"WHAT!", screeches Addison.

Then she realizes she isn't being very mysterious and city-like. She's mostly just drunk and pathetic. Which sucks.

Fortunately for her, fortunately for Joe and fortunately for us, Alex Karev chooses this particular moment to walk over to her and to sit down next to her. Gesturing at his napkins, he says:

"I'm guessing there is no way you haven't read those, huh?"

To which she answers:

"What? What haven't I read? Are those napkins? Why are you showing me napkins? I don't know anything about any napkins… What are napkins, anyway?"

"And I take it you wrote those."

He gestures at her napkins.

"I have never even heard of napkins.", she says as seriously as she's able to, then breaks out in laughter.

"And I suppose you're too drunk to be having his kind of conversation right now."

Was that a bit of an amused twinkle in his pretty, pretty eyes or was it the heat his body was emitting that clouded her vision?

"You know what, Karev? I think you're right. I need to sober up. Thus, I will now follow this resolution and sit here, until I can think again, because right now all I want is to get into your pants."

That said, she sits there, almost completely frozen in place. Alex shares a few looks with Joe, then shrugs and gets comfortable.

After about 45 minutes of not moving, Alex seems annoyed.

"This is getting ridiculous."

But Addison will not listen to him. She won't. She's getting really good at this.

"No, don't interrupt me, I am in the zone."

After another 28 minutes, she shakes her head and notices Alex has fallen asleep on the counter.

Still feeling rather tipsy, she nudges his shoulder and he immediately sits up straight, obviously quite disturbed, as if caught doing something he shouldn't have.

"What? What did I miss?"

"This."

Addison leans in to kiss him and boy, does it feel good! Too sleepy to over think it, Alex kisses her back with equal fervor.

They barely come up for air, until Joe exclaims:

"Your cab's here."

Which makes them both realize what it is they are doing.

"You kissed me!", Alex growls.

"You kissed me back!", Addison pouts, then adds:

"What is the problem with me kissing you, anyway? After all, isn't that, what the napkins have told us? That we're meant to be together?"

"But I wanted to kiss you when you're sober!", Alex all but yells and throws a few coins on the counter.

"So? There's plenty of time to do that, later! Besides, I am sober! Why do you think I just sat there for an entire hour?", Addison yells back, gathering her stuff.

"To annoy me?", Alex grins diabolically and helps her off her chair.

"To sober up!", Addison huffs and walks towards the door.

"Oh, and by the way... Preston Burke?"

"Shut up, you have Syphilis!"

And then they take the cab to her place and she has her naughty way with him. Then yells at him some more. Then he has his naughty way with her. Then yells at her some more. Then they decide to keep yelling and being naughty fort he rest of their lives.

And they live happily ever after.


End file.
